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Facing rejection, especially when it occurs frequently, is far from pleasant. A publisher is saying no, delivering a clear “No.” Working in writing, I am familiar with rejection. I commenced submitting story ideas half a century past, right after completing my studies. Over the years, I have had two novels declined, along with article pitches and countless short stories. Over the past two decades, focusing on op-eds, the denials have only increased. On average, I get a setback multiple times weekly—amounting to in excess of 100 annually. Cumulatively, denials over my career run into thousands. At this point, I might as well have a PhD in handling no’s.

So, is this a self-pitying tirade? Not at all. Since, finally, at 73 years old, I have embraced being turned down.

In What Way Have I Managed This?

For perspective: By this stage, almost every person and their relatives has said no. I’ve never tracked my acceptance statistics—it would be quite demoralizing.

As an illustration: lately, an editor turned down 20 pieces in a row before accepting one. Back in 2016, over 50 editors vetoed my manuscript before one approved it. Subsequently, 25 representatives rejected a book pitch. An editor requested that I submit articles only once a month.

My Phases of Rejection

When I was younger, all rejections were painful. It felt like a personal affront. It was not just my work was being turned down, but me as a person.

As soon as a submission was rejected, I would go through the phases of denial:

• First, shock. What went wrong? Why would they be ignore my talent?
• Next, refusal to accept. Maybe they rejected the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an oversight.
• Then, dismissal. What do editors know? Who made you to decide on my work? You’re stupid and their outlet is poor. I deny your no.
• Fourth, irritation at the rejecters, then frustration with me. Why would I put myself through this? Could I be a martyr?
• Subsequently, bargaining (often seasoned with false hope). How can I convince you to see me as a unique writer?
• Sixth, depression. I lack skill. Additionally, I’ll never be successful.

So it went for decades.

Great Examples

Of course, I was in fine company. Tales of creators whose books was at first declined are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each famous writer was initially spurned. Since they did persevere, then maybe I could, too. Michael Jordan was dropped from his high school basketball team. The majority of Presidents over the past six decades had earlier failed in campaigns. The filmmaker estimates that his script for Rocky and desire to appear were rejected repeatedly. “I take rejection as a wake-up call to wake me up and keep moving, not backing down,” he has said.

The Final Phase

Later, upon arriving at my later years, I reached the final phase of setback. Peace. Now, I more clearly see the many reasons why an editor says no. For starters, an publisher may have just published a comparable article, or be planning one in progress, or just be contemplating a similar topic for someone else.

Or, unfortunately, my pitch is uninteresting. Or maybe the evaluator believes I lack the credentials or stature to be suitable. Perhaps is no longer in the business for the wares I am peddling. Or didn’t focus and reviewed my work too fast to see its abundant merits.

Feel free call it an epiphany. Anything can be turned down, and for whatever cause, and there is almost little you can do about it. Certain reasons for denial are permanently not up to you.

Your Responsibility

Others are your fault. Admittedly, my proposals may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may be irrelevant and appeal, or the idea I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe a part about my punctuation, notably semicolons, was annoying.

The point is that, regardless of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have managed to get widely published. I’ve authored several titles—my first when I was 51, my second, a personal story, at 65—and over a thousand pieces. My writings have appeared in magazines major and minor, in local, national and global sources. An early piece ran in my twenties—and I have now submitted to various outlets for five decades.

However, no blockbusters, no book signings in bookshops, no features on popular shows, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no Pulitzers, no international recognition, and no national honor. But I can more easily handle no at 73, because my, humble accomplishments have eased the blows of my many rejections. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all now.

Valuable Rejection

Rejection can be helpful, but when you pay attention to what it’s attempting to show. Otherwise, you will almost certainly just keep interpreting no’s all wrong. What insights have I acquired?

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